Now this is why you read this blog and so here you go.

Imagine serving your family Loewen's D*mn Good Gruel this evening, sweeping into your dining room in a swirl of skirts and saying, "Tonight, we're all going to eat like pathetic, medieval peasants." and plopping tasty gruel into the earthenware bowls before them.

Well, this recipe is an authentic gruel recipe and is exactly how poor peasants lived under the crushing boots of their feudal overlords.

LOEWEN'S D*MN GOOD GRUEL
(serves 1 pathetic peasant)

1. Boil 1 pint of water.
   
2. While coming to a boil, mix 4 heaping tablespoons of the flour of your choice (wheat, rye, cornmeal) into COLD water, making a paste.
   
3. When the water comes to a boil, add the paste and stir.
   
4. Throw in a handful of raisins (we may be pathetic, but we ain't masochists)
   
5. Add a dash of salt to taste.
   
6. Reduce to simmer and cook for 8 to 10 minutes, stirring occasionally.
   
7. Serve with the sweetener of your choice to taste, and nutmeg and/or cinnamon. (Milk, soy milk, or rice milk is optional).

Now everybody knows that a good meal must have a good presentation, so it's best to give everybody a cue card with authentic medieval peasant conversation (updated) as follows:

• "Now this is d*mn good gruel."
  
• "We (burned/hung/rode out of town on a rail) a (witch/Puritan/Popist) at (work/school) today."
  
• "Scurvy? Let me tell you about scurvy!"
  
• "I'm so glad that gruel doesn't require teeth."
  
• "I made 3 pence begging in front of the church today!"
  
• "You know, modern science says that demons are behind all headaches."
  
• "Today, Old Lady Henicle turned me into a newt!"
  
• "The plague only took two of our neighbors today!"

Yes, I am a sick puppy, but the recipe does work. I'm eating cornmeal gruel even as I type this, and it tastes rather good, thank you very much.